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You could be unconsciously sabotaging yourself

The unconscious mind is very powerful. Our thoughts and actions are largely based on our subconscious fears and desires, and we do not even realize it.
Think about this for a minute with an open mind. Think of a time when your dream, desire or deepest longing was right in front of you. Think of that time when your dream job or school, or an entrepreneurial opportunity, or even a great romantic love was right there for you—and just when it could have been yours, something happens, and poof!

You start feeling so bad about yourself and the world around you that you can’t even explain why it happened. You begin to question everything and blame God, wishing the circumstances were different, or you simply consider yourself unlucky.

What most of us do not realize is that this is self-sabotage, and we do this all the time. What makes it so difficult to change is that most of the time we are unaware that this is happening. Part of mindful living and conscious awareness is to recognize the patterns.

Look back and see how difficult it has been to get to your fullest potential, or how it always seems to feel like you slide back just as you are about to reach your goals and dreams. Just when you are about to close that deal, finish a project, or get that job you have always wanted, something happens. It can be so simple or so dramatic, but something happens, and what you so desired is no longer within reach.

If you find this happening on a regular basis, luck has nothing to do with it. It is, again, all about limiting subconscious beliefs, and the fear that is stored within your subconscious. What we refer to as luck, karma, opportunities, being in the right place at the right time, serendipity—all that is frequency.

This frequency or energy that you are is housed in your subconscious mind. Which is why, half the time, we are so completely unaware of what is happening inside us. We play the blame game and become reactive toward our own lives. But there is a way to recognize, change and reconfigure your frequency so that you attract your dreams, desires and fullest potential.

Muscle testing

This muscle testing method is based on the science of kinesiology. It is really quite easy and amazingly accurate. Here are the simplified steps for you to try.

1) Download a compass app on your cell phone and face north.
2) Make sure you are hydrated; drink at least a glass of water before doing this exercise.
3) Place your hands on the side and keep your spine straight and close your eyes.
4) Out loud, say, “My name is (state your name).” Your body will naturally tilt forward. Say, “My name is (make up a name).” Your body will naturally tilt backwards. Test this further by saying “Yes, yes, yes” and “No, no, no.” Your body will move forward for “Yes” and backwards for “No.”
5) If your body does not move, you are dehydrated; take another glass of water and then do the test questions again.
6) Then make the following statements to yourself to test your subconscious belief systems. “I am worthy of achieving my dreams.” (Most people self-sabotage because they feel they are unworthy.) “Dreams can be reality.” (Some people feel that dreams can never become reality because this is what they have been programmed to believe, for whatever reason.)
7) Remember that the beliefs do not have to make sense to your conscious mind. You will find that the beliefs your conscious mind may find incredible are actually the ones that hold you back. These include: “Money is the root of all evil”; “There is lack in this world”; “If I reach my full potential, I will die”; or “I have a vow of poverty.” Most of us who have been self-sabotaging will have these beliefs. And yes, we can change it.
8) Fear is the great paralyzer. Fear can totally disable you emotionally and spiritually in all aspects of your life. Fear is the direct opposite of love. Check for limiting beliefs on the following, over and above what I have just suggested: I fear success. I self-sabotage. I fear becoming a different person if I reach my full potential. I fear moving forward. I fear (add your own fears here).

Changing beliefs

Please note that the muscle test does not function as a lie detector. It does not determine the truth; for this particular purpose, it is used to determine beliefs. Asking help from a professional will make the process go faster, but you can definitely do it yourself.
There are many ways to change beliefs; some are faster and more effective than others.

Beliefs that are not fully ingrained in your subconscious are, of course, faster to remove.
The more attached you are to your beliefs, the more difficult it will be to change. Remember that all beliefs serve you in one way or another; otherwise, you would not have accepted the programing to begin with.

1) Determine what your limiting beliefs are without judging yourself. Do this through the muscle testing.
2) Trace the source of your belief. Did it come from school, family, society, religion, etc.? Acknowledge and validate that the limiting belief is not the truth. You decide what you want to keep and what you want to remove. All decisions are made by you and you alone.
3) Reprogram your thoughts through repeated action and affirmations. Affirmations will work only if you have determined your limiting beliefs, and make a decision to release them with the intent of changing them.
4) Take action. Step out of your comfort zone. This is the only way to release the limiting belief.
5) Like, love and celebrate your achievements to validate yourself and experience the new joy these new thoughts are bringing you.

I know it sounds a bit abstract, but remember that we are working with frequency and energy here. Both are propelled by thought, action, intent and determination. Start slowly, and begin to feel the difference immediately.


You will know when the limiting belief has been changed successfully because when you do the muscle test again, you will now test “No” where you tested “Yes” before. When you see the results made manifest in your day-to-day life, you can repeat the process as often as you like.
You will begin to reach your goals with ease and grace. And if you don’t, stop judging yourself and stop labeling yourself as unlucky. Simply find the limiting belief and change it.
You are in charge of your own life. Empower yourself, determine and change your limiting beliefs, and start living the life you have always desired. Dreams do become reality. Your birthright is to be happy.

Visit www.liabernardo.com; e-mail: namaste@liabernardo.com

Read more on the The Philippine Daily Inquirer Thriving in SouLove column.

SL PDI 2 Final

Being stress-free is a decision

Just like everything else, if you want something gone from your space, change your beliefs about it. The same goes for stress.
The No. 1 cause of unhappiness, worry, anxiety, sleep deprivation and illness is stress. Yet people have come to accept stress as part of life. It isn’t, and it shouldn’t be.
Some people can be in major anxiety-inducing situations and still remain calm, while there are some who react to the smallest things. The measure of stress comes from how each individual reacts to the stressors in their lives, not the magnitude of the situation.

This is why it is important not to judge the situation as small or big, because when stress is triggered in a person, the reaction will depend on how the person will process the stressors. The best way to determine whether you are stressed or not is to pay attention to your body.

Your body is the most accurate gauge of how stressed you are. When you are calm, there are no sharp pains or intense feelings in your body. Try this exercise: close your eyes and breathe normally. Focus on your breath and notice how your body is reacting. If there is a reaction, including not being able to sit and focus on your breath, your body is under stress.

If your body feels calm and there are no sharp sensations, this is your state of relaxation.

Body sensation

Now think of something that stresses you out—traffic, not paying bills on time, the fear that someone in your family might get sick. Notice that the minute you think of something that will stress you out, there is a bodily sensation that corresponds to the thought. Your shoulders may freeze up, the back of your neck might hurt, the solar plexus feels hollow, the lower back aches, the head starts to throb.

Pay attention to how your body reacts to stress, because each person will react differently.

It is important to recognize how your body responds to stress so that you can understand and listen to your body. This way you will stop judging the situation as too small or too big, because it does not matter; what matters is that you are in stress mode, and you need to decide that you no longer want to be there.
Decide to change the situation, or don’t. Just know that you and only you are responsible for your state of being. Yes, it is just a decision away.

Face it: Sometimes you like the drama, and if you want to be in drama mode, go ahead and stay there—the choice is yours. You and you alone are responsible for the choices you make—not the driver in the car in front of you, not your boss and not the situation you are in.

A large part of being under stress is thinking and believing that your are not in control of your feelings. This is, in fact, the farthest thing from the truth.
Once you decide that you no longer want to feel a certain way, change it and see what happens.

This is why it is so important to recognize that you are reacting to the situation with stress, as your body will tell you so. The situation will not change; you are the one that changes your reaction toward it.

The first step is deciding that you no longer want to feel that way, and then doing whatever works to change how you feel.


We all use tools to make us feel better. Some choose to drink beer after work, others smoke cigarettes, some take anti-anxiety drugs. But there are tools that don’t require a lot of money and that are far more conducive to happiness and empowerment.

Alcohol, cigarettes and other “maladaptive” tools create dependence. When we go toward something outside of ourselves to cope with something unpleasant, we create dependency. But our objective is empowerment and accountability, so instead of using maladaptive tools, we take responsibility for our state of being—and that’s just recognizing that you are in a state of stress, and not judging yourself as good or bad.

Second is to use means or tools that empower you, rather than giving your power away. Here are some tried-and-tested tools you can use to raise your frequency, or to put yourself in a better mood.

1) Play music.
Choose music that makes you feel good—classical, gospel, religious, mantras, love songs that are not about heartache, etc. Play music that has a positive message, uplifts your mood and elevates your spirit.

2) Take a walk.
If you live near a park or you have access to a garden, take a walk and be with some semblance of nature. This may be difficult for city dwellers, but there are still some public parks left where you can just take a walk and release your tension and fears. Walking in the mall doesn’t quite cut it.

3) Exercise.
Go to a Pilates class, yoga, Zumba, tai chi, hip-hop dancing, Nia, ballroom—there are so many choices that I am quite sure there will be at least one that you will enjoy. The point is to enjoy, not to go because you have to.
See how your energy shifts from the beginning of class to how you feel at the end of class. This is a great way to stay in shape while putting yourself in a great mood.

4) Hang out with friends.
Be with people who uplift you, with whom you can laugh out loud and just be yourself. This is bonding with like-minded people who make you feel good about yourself because you are also making other people feel good about themselves. Have fun, watch a movie, get together and just be happy.

5) Play with your pet.
Never underestimate the ability of pets to heal you. Play with and nurture your beloved pet, as it responds by loving you unconditionally—and learn how to receive that love.

6) Eat fruits.
Nature’s feel-good food is fruit. Bite into a fruit, and you will instantly feel better. Eating fruits on an empty stomach will amplify its healing qualities in terms of nutrition, but it will also instantly make you feel good inside.

7) Find something to be grateful for.
The gratitude tool is the easiest and most effective way to shift your negativity into positive thoughts and feelings. There is always something to be grateful for; the fact that you are alive is one of them. Look for something or someone to be grateful for, and see and feel the stress disintegrate.

8) Pamper yourself.
This isn’t free, but it is money well spent. Go to the barber shop, the salon or the spa, or get a home service massage. Just give time to take care of yourself.
It takes practice, yes, but this can be as easy or as difficult as you decide it to be. Being happy and stress-free is a decision you make. Do it because you love yourself, and you know that you deserve to be happy, and that happiness is your natural state of being.

Read more on The Philippine Daily Inquirer Thriving in SouLove column.

E-mail the author at namaste@liabernardo.com.

SL PDI Final 1202

Judging others is judging yourself

Our relationship with another person is a direct reflection of our relationship with ourselves. When you find that your self-talk leads toward judgment and criticism of yourself, you are creating a negative relationship with the person you ought to be loving the most, and that is you.

Take a minute here and just see yourself as objectively as you can, and look back at the number of times you put yourself down in your head. Then think of how many times you put yourself down in conversation with others. Think about how often you say, “I’m so fat or I’m not good enough or I’m afraid to…”

These are all judgments created by you about yourself.

Now imagine yourself as a pin cushion, and each judgmental thought or phrase you utter is symbolized by a pin. How many pins are in you right now? There shouldn’t be any, yet most of us indulge in this daily practice of self-flagellation, and we have been doing so for years on end, we don’t even realize we are doing it.

When you judge yourself, you are in fact taking a whip and hurting yourself with each thought and each word you say that puts yourself down.
Take today, and just for today—monitor your thoughts and words to rephrase and rethink and reverse any judgmental thought you may have about yourself and others.

Just for today, be free of any self-criticism, self-deprecation and expectations of yourself. Be judgment-free, just for today. And don’t start judging yourself when you catch yourself putting down another or yourself. Simply change the thought or rephrase what you are saying.


This exercise is a crucial step toward developing self-love and radical self-acceptance. There is only one way to happiness: Love yourself, just for today.

When you suspend or release self-judgment, you automatically stop judging others. It is impossible to stop judging another or to stop being critical of another without doing this for yourself. You will find that the most judgmental people are those who are un-accepting of themselves.

When you begin to accept yourself and see yourself not as broken or damaged goods but as someone who has experienced life, then you begin to see others in the same way. Your relationships, remember, are just mirrors of your relationship with yourself. If you are dissatisfied with yourself, you will always find fault in others. You will always be unhappy, and that is the truth.

The only way to happiness is pure self-acceptance, and this can only come from a deep love for the self. Yet a majority of those reading this will equate self-love with selfishness, which is the farthest thing from the truth.

The only way to treat another well is to treat yourself well. The only way to show kindness to another is to treat yourself with kindness. The only way you can fully accept another human being for just being himself is to accept yourself fully—both in shadow and light.

When you get irritated by others who judge, this is a signal to see it as an alarm that you are denying or suppressing that side of yourself. You are being nudged by the universe to acknowledge that you are that way, and it needs to be accepted and healed.

It is all about perspective. Shift your perspective and reverse the self-judgment. See how quickly judgmental people disappear from your space because you no longer need to be taught the lesson.

So, the next time you judge yourself or another person, know that you can create the shift in perspective within, and the outside will take care of itself. Know that you can learn this one day at a time. So, just for today, free yourself from any thoughts or words that judge yourself or others.

Published Nov. 24, 2015 in Philippine Daily Inquirer Thriving in SouLove column.

By Mia De Zuzuarregui  for SouLove

Why gratitude is good for you

In this space I will give my thoughts and insights on how to create SouLove in your life. And I am starting with the power of gratitude. By creating gratitude in your life, you can immediately feel its transformative ability to create miracles within.

Gratitude as game changer

Love is the most powerful, energetic force in the universe. What propels love? Gratitude is the most definite game changer. Gratitude will magnify anything and everything. If you focus on what you do not have, you are magnifying that, and that will become your reality. This is what happens when “nothing goes right.”

Think about it—how many times do you say, “What’s wrong with today?” or “What’s up with today?” whenever things do not go right within your day?

By focusing on what is wrong, you actually are unconsciously creating all that could possibly go wrong. The result will be a horrible day. Creating gratitude in your life is the greatest gift you can give yourself. Gratitude has the power to heal. You will become happier, nicer and will see everything from a positive perspective.

Remember, your reality and everything happening to you now is just the result of your perceptions. The easiest and fastest way to change your negative perception is to focus on gratitude. Just try this little experiment for one day, and see the difference.
There are four ways to create gratitude in your life:

1) Awaken to gratitude. From the moment you wake up, be thankful for something, anything. Be thankful you woke up, or be thankful you slept well, or try being thankful for the day that is about to happen. It doesn’t really matter what you are grateful for, but regardless of what you were thinking when you woke up, shift it to something you are grateful for.

2) Validate gratitude. Throughout the day, say thank you for every little thing that happens. You find a great parking space, say thank you. You eat something that is good, say thank you. You pay for something, say thank you for having the money to buy what you just bought, even if it is just an ice cream cone. Just say thank you for everything. It is just for one day. Focus on what you have.
Now, let’s magnify it even more. Every time you say thank you, validate gratitude further by saying, “How does it get better than this?” Say this each time without feeling guilty. Most people will not utter this phrase because of guilt. But, just try it for a day. By saying, “How does it get better than this?” you are validating abundance, gratitude and being limitless.

What is good can get better

Whatever is good can get better, whatever is happy can get happier, and whatever is awesome can get more awesome. By saying these words, you are validating gratitude and magnifying it, and in doing so, you are attracting more of what you are focusing on into your life and your reality.

3) Be gratitude. When you validate gratitude, you are reformatting your thought patterns; you are training your mind to focus on what is positive and good, and what you have vs. what you do not have. You affirm gratitude, and when you validate or affirm something, you become that which you validate.

Notice that people who have branded themselves as lucky are in fact extremely lucky. But those who say they are unlucky are in fact unlucky, right? What you validate, you become. You can shift anything that is negative in your life into something positive.
By being in gratitude, you do this so instinctively that you do not even think about it anymore. But for your one-day practice session, observe and be mindful of you becoming gratitude. Notice how you are smiling more often, and how much nicer you are becoming to others. See and observe your overall disposition—you will notice that you are lighter, more pleasant and seeing the more pleasant side of things. Your attitude becomes that of gratitude.

4) Have a gratitude journal. You can make your own with cutouts and artwork. You can buy any notebook and make it into your gratitude journal. You can even download it as an app. It does not matter how you do it; what matters is that in some way or form, you write down three things that you are grateful for every single day.
I often ask parents to do this activity with their kids. It is a great bonding activity, and it teaches children to think positively and be in gratitude. Do this every day and watch your life change almost immediately. Today, I am grateful for…

You can e-mail the author at Namaste@liabernardo.com

Read more here.


Sharing a Poem on Gratitude

Be thankful!
Be thankful that you don’t already have everything you desire.
If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don’t know something,
for it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times.
During those times you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations,
because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge,
because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes.
They will teach you valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you’re tired and weary,
because it means you’ve made a difference.

It’s easy to be thankful for the good things.
A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who
are also thankful for the setbacks.

Gratitude can turn a negative into a positive.
Find a way to be thankful for your troubles,
and they can become your blessings.
Author Unknown

When angels fall

We can choose to live our lives protected by fear or we can choose to heal so that we can claim our Divine Right to happiness and harmonious relationships.

Read more

Creating Harmonious Relationships Workshop

Theta Healing Soulmates® Class


This is a class specifically designed to help you improve yourself so that you can create more harmonious relationships in your life, especially in your romantic relationship.  Whether you are preparing yourself for a manifested relationship or you would like to make your current relationship better, this class will be highly beneficial to you.  As a certified ThetaHealer, this class will also help you when doing healing sessions with clients regarding romantic relationships, manifesting a soulmate or healing relationships.  Couples may even take this class together and will find a renewed energy in their current relationship.

We will be talking about soulmates, soul families, beliefs that are blocking you from having the relationship you desire, creating harmonious relationships, what you can do to make yourself a better person, how to be the person you want to attract and most importantly, you will heal the beliefs that no longer serve you and may not even know you had. Then we will help you manifest the perfect partner through ThetaHealing.

I will be running this class on December 10 and 11 from 1pm to 6pm at 38A Pacific Plaza Ayala Ave Makati City.  Non ThetaHealers can join us on Day 1 while ThetaHealers need to join both Day 1 and 2 to get certification.  Certificates will only be given to ThetaHealers.

Because most of you are donating to the relief efforts, I am also reducing the price (only for this run) for those who will pay in full before December 5, after December 5 the regular price will apply:

Energy Exchange (before Dec. 5)

Day 1 only:  Php  3,750

Day 1 and 2 Php  5,700

Regular Price: (after Dec. 5)

Day 1 only:    Php 5,000

Day 1 and 2:             Php 8,000

You can leave a message here to reserve your space. Please include your cell phone number and email address and I will get in touch with you.

If you have previously taken this class and would like to join us once again you only need to pay a joining fee of Php 500.

Once you reserve, I will send you payment details…


Lia Bernardo

Let go my ego

Trying to conquer ego, is ego.

Living in fear, is ego.

Putting yourself down, is ego.

Putting other people down, is ego.

Judging yourself and others, is ego.

Control, is ego.

Manipulation, is ego.

False humility, is also ego.

Ego is many things and I shall not attempt to be a psychologist and try to define it.  I can only share my understanding of it.  The ego is not bad.  The ego is a part of me.  If I am both shadow and light, then it safe to say that I have a side that protects me, but I also have a side that gives.  So I see my ego as the side that protects me.  That way, there is no good or bad judgment call here.  It is the shadow to my light.  Sometimes I come from shadow.  I come from shadow when I feel threatened, when I feel fear.  If emotions can be narrowed down to love and fear, then when I come from my shadow, I come from my fear.  When I come from love, I come from my light.

Yet, light cannot exist without dark, nor can I just give and give and give.  I need discernment, but when I come from fear that discernment becomes protection.  The greater the fear, the greater the protection.  Discernment is based on love, protection can sometimes be fear based.  When I protect myself from danger, I am acting out of love because I am sensing harm to my person.  But when I protect my pride, my feelings, my image, my “social mask,” I am coming from fear.

I come from fear a lot of times.  When I come from fear, I come from ego.  I come from ego a lot of times.  I acknowledge this and accept it.  I do not try to deny it because that will only cause exponential side effects.  I say “this is me coming from ego.” And then, I choose to change it.

I do not fight my ego.  I’ve tried that route, it does not work.  I have come to understand that when you fight something that is a part of you and try to destroy it, you destroy yourself.  The ego, if threatened, will protect itself.  If you fight it, it fights back.  If you try to eradicate it, it will show you that it strong.  I have befriended my ego.  I treat it as part of who I am.  It is part of me and I accept it.  I work with it.

When I am healing and I have a vested interest in making sure that my client gets well, I know I am coming from ego.  I detach when this happens by asking the Divine to take me away from the equation.  I even ask my ego to sit on my left shoulder while the Creator does the healing on my client and uses me as a tool.  It works for the most part and when I come from ego I know (well, most of the time) and I again just choose to change it.

Like everything else in life, the ego will fight for its existence and its right to exist.  So I go through the continuous process of understanding it rather than fight it.  Sometimes I succeed and sometimes, I come from ego.  But this is all part of learning to accept yourself.  This is part of the journey.  Knowing and understanding who you are in relationship to yourself and others.  When I come from ego, my question to myself is:  “What are you protecting?” I also ask myself: “What is causing the fear?”

Most of the time I protect myself from rejection.  Rejection is a powerful emotional block.  No one wants to be rejected and we all seek approval from others especially those whom we love.  When I am afraid of rejection, I always come from ego.  I act in ways that will protect me from rejection.  I say things that are safe.  This is when I lose my authenticity.

It gets even more complicated in relationships.  Here is where the ego takes charge.  When pride takes over, ego takes over.  Pride is actually based on the fear of rejection.  But, it is rooted in the rejection of the self, not necessarily the rejection of others.

What do I do when this happens?  I heal the fear.  Sometimes it is necessary to face the fear.  But most importantly I work with myself so that I can be aware that it is happening.  I think this is the most crucial part of working with the ego.  Once I come from ego, it is so hard to accept and acknowledge that I am coming from ego.  So how do I know I am coming from ego?  Bottom line is, nothing will work!

When I come from my higher self, everything goes very smoothly.  But when I come from ego, it is an uphill climb.  Life is not so easy, it becomes a struggle.  I have come to understand that struggles are there to wake me up, to remind me that there is an easier and better way.  It is my soul’s way of saying, stop, analyze, find the source and change it!   This is when magic happens.

So see what triggers your ego?  Befriend your ego so that you can learn to work with it until you come less and less from your ego.  But to say that you are completely devoid of ego is in fact the ego talking.  It is all about oneness and integration.  Learning to work with the ego is an essential part of healing and spiritual growth.




Staying true to yourself

the dance

Oriah does it again!  I so resonate with the words of wisdom of such an amazing woman.  Having lunch with her (and Neale Donald Walsch) is in my bucket list.  Her words are so simple yet so profound that it literally moves your soul.

We try to stay true to ourselves, that is the goal after all.  I think the true measure of growth is staying on track. On track with who you really are.  Let our sidetracking be our reminders that we are not being who we truly are.

Case in point:  You get irritated with someone.  Rather than waste precious emotions and time on feeling guilty, give gratitude for the opportunity because it is showing you that you are being someone you are not.  Let’s take it a step further.

“Is this who I am?”  “Is this who I want to become?” You can ask this of yourself, with every action, every reaction, every thought, word or deed.  If it is not who you are, change it.  Choose to change it without guilt or without putting yourself down.  Simply change it.  With practice this will become much easier.

You see, guilt is a complete waste of time and emotion.  Why?  Because it does not lead you anywhere.  Guilt is a fear-based emotion.  It leads to inaction.  Choosing to change something you don’t like however is based on love.  Accept that you don’t like something and change it.  You will be amazed at how much growth will come out of this.  Wallowing in guilt will not produce anything except self-pity and drama.  We do not need drama, it does not serve us.

It is about making mistakes, going in the wrong direction, experiencing who you are not, all this so that you can experience who you really are.  Who you really are is the essence of your soul, your true nature, your higher self, your divinity.

Who are you being right here and now?  Are you being false, or are your experiencing your authentic self.  Are you playing a role, creating an image for all to see – or are you just being you?

Here’s a quick test and if you have been following this blog, just do the muscle test (Face north and say the sentence out loud.  If your body moves forward, you hold the belief in your subconscious, if the body moves backwards this means no and you are free from this belief) on the following questions:

I have Creator’s definition of truth.

I have Creator’s definition of authenticity.

I know myself.

I understand myself.

I accept myself fully and completely.

I am being true to myself.

I am being authentic to myself.

I am being authentic to others.

I am being my authentic self.

I am playing a role.

It is safe for me to be my authentic self.

I am allowed to show my authentic self in my daily life.

I like the drama in my life.

I know how to live my life without drama

I know how to live my life without conflict.

I need others to approve of me.

Remember that not being true to yourself is the greatest act of betrayal because it is betrayal of the self.  Denial is one of the biggest holes we jump into and it can become dangerously comfortable.  Sometimes we get so used to denying who we really are and pretend we are someone else just to hide the pain, and then before you know it, you have completely forgotten who you truly are.

If you find that there aspects of your life that are not reflections of who you really are, simply choose to change it.  Do this without drama, without guilt, just a strong goal oriented decision to change it and watch as your beautiful true self unfolds.  By becoming aware of what you are hiding and denying, you set yourself free from it and the shift happens.  This shift is the point in which you say, this is not me.  I am ready to heal so that I can experience who I really am and become the person I was truly meant to be.

Amazing things will happen because when you see yourself for who you really are, you begin to see others for who they really are.  You begin to appreciate people in your life.  You begin to appreciate everything, including nature and all that surrounds you.  You begin to see the world the way you see yourself.  Now, isn’t that a great way to live your day to day life?

Why do I so infrequently want to be the person I really am?  DRAMA.  We are addicted to the drama.  Cut the drama, you cut the illusion.  Drama, guilt, inauthentic relationships, the list goes on.  These are all fear based emotions.  When you come from fear, you are in direct contrast to love.  Release the fear, cut the drama and let go of the illusions you yourself have created.  Come from your center, your truth, your authentic self.  You are only a decision away, only you have that power.  Only you can decide which direction you want your life to take.

I leave you with the words, NAMASTE, which means that the divine in me honors the divine in you…

Healing past relationships

Since it is a weekend I decided to shake things up a bit.  I’m diving into deeper waters here.  There are a lot of concepts that I will present here than may raise more questions than answers.  But the aim of this blog is to help people heal, and healing always boils down to relationships. This is the easiest way I have come to understanding this so bear with me and you can ask questions in the comment box and I will answer all of them.

No Judgment

When it comes to healing past relationships, the first advice I will give you is this:  From now on, try to drop any judgment you may have for another and most of all for yourself.  Let us view our lives from the perspective of truth.  Truth is just that, the plain and simple truth without judgment, without bias.  No one is bad; everyone’s soul is good.  When people come from fear, they unleash their “bad” side.  I’m not justifying any “bad” behavior here, were are simply here to grow, learn and heal; so if you can accept the first premise then read on.

Soul Contracts

The second step is you making a decision to move towards accepting the truth that every relationship we have had is a result of a soul contract.  So, no matter how horrid the relationship was, you created it.  You created it to learn, you honored a soul contract. This is what I try to explain to my clients who come to me to make sense of their romantic pains and travails. 

Healing from the pains of previous relationships is essential in order for you to move forward into a new relationship. Otherwise you bring with you baggage that no longer serves you and the other person.

Thinking that a new relationship will heal the wounds of the previous one is the biggest lie you can tell yourself.  This is why it would be a good idea for you to learn and grow from a previous relationship before you start a new one because new lessons will be learned with your new partner and new experiences will be created as part of your growth process. Otherwise you will still need to learn the lesson in order to move forward.  So when you find yourself experiencing the same situation with a different romantic partner, it simply means you have not learned your lesson.

It is just how the universe works.  You sort of set out the lessons you need to learn before you are born.  Your soul does this and your soul comes into this world to learn and experience those lessons in order for the soul to evolve and experience itself.  So we create soul contracts with other souls who have been part of our lives over and over again, over eons of time.

If you find you are experiencing new things then it means you are growing.  This is the reason we cannot judge people based on their past.  Their past mistakes, if they have learned and grown, will no longer be repeated.  Take people at face value.  Take people for who they show you now, not who they were before. Pat them in the back because it means they have grown.  Pat yourself in the back, because it means that you have grown.  If you look back at who you were two years ago and can say I am no longer that person then it means you have grown.  No judgments, just statements of fact.

Is there someone out there for me?

Now, here comes the good part.  If you have been through a series of relationships or even a marriage or two, or three; none of those were failures.  They ended for a reason, or more often than not, they ended because of many reasons.  And is there a person, one person out there for me?  The answer is yes, there is more than one actually, and it is all up to you to make that happen.  This is where healing comes in.

YOU and only you can create the life you want. I want to make that clear because you will be the catalyst to making this happen.  It cannot happen without healing.

You decide how far you want to take this.  Do you want another relationship that will cause you pain or would you like a long-term harmonious relationship?  Of course you will choose the second option, but what is subconscious saying?  It all boils down to your beliefs.  But before I go there, you are probably repeating to yourself that I just said there is more than one.  So I will go back to that:

You have many soul contracts. However, you also create your own life.  As such, you honor soul contracts based on how much your soul has evolved.

Take this as an example:

If you still need to learn a lesson you could not learn from Wife A, who you divorced, you will attract Girlfriend AA into your life for you to learn the lesson you did not learn from Wife A. If you still refuse to learn the lesson and by this time you are blaming Wife A and Girlfriend AA for all your misery, guess what?  You will break up with Girlfriend AA and you will meet Girlfriend AB who will bring up the same issues.  This will go on and on until you learn.  This means taking responsibility for your actions, healing beliefs that no longer serve you and moving forward and evolving.

If you do this while you are still with Girlfriend AB you may see her as the love of your life and turn her into Wife B.  Towards the course of the second marriage you grow, you learn and then you realize that you are no longer the same person you were when you married Wife B.  She begins to lose her charm and you get bored. She finds someone else, who is very similar to who you were before, and she leaves you and marries him.  You are devastated and blame her.  It is all her fault.  You vow never to fall in love again unless you meet someone who will dedicate her life to your happiness.  You party, meet girls half your age and just give the world the impression that you are perfect. Until you get tired of doing so.

When you get tired of convincing yourself that everything is ok and take responsibility for your own happiness, healing takes place.  You will be aware of this.  You begin to attract people into your life that will be part of your healing process.  Then you make the biggest decision of your life.

Manifesting your life partner

By the time you start healing you let go of old patterns.  You let go of limiting beliefs.  Beliefs that no longer serve you are released from your consciousness.  This may include some or all of the following:

  • I need someone to make me happy
  • I need someone to take care of me
  • I am afraid to love again
  • I am afraid of getting betrayed again
  • I am afraid of opening my heart to love again
  • I am able to trust my romantic partner

The list can go on and on but you get the picture.  When you realize that only you can make you happy then you know you are well on your way to releasing old belief systems.  Trust is a big one.  When you find that you are able to trust yourself and another person again, then you are ready for a new relationship.

So you narrow down your choices.  Remember that there are many options for you.  There are many possible soulmates to choose from.  So take the time to list down the qualities that you want from your most compatible romantic soulmate.  Specify the gender (I add this so that you will be completely specific).  You need to specify every quality that you want present in your romantic partner and please specify most compatible romantic soulmate or else you will call forth a soulmate that may not be so compatible and then you start learning difficult lessons again.

Once you have created the list, let it go… file it in your computer or keep the piece of paper.  Your life will miraculously move, as if by magic towards preparing yourself for that person.  Until one day, you wake up and you are the person you want to be with.  

Remember that you will attract the person you want to be with only when you yourself possess all the qualities you want to see in your partner. When that time happens you will also be able to let go of anger, resentment and disappointments from past relationships. The person you want to be with will now appear into your life.  You might want to add to your list that there is an instant recognition on your part.  Yes it sounds simple, but there is a lot of growth and soul evolution that will happen along the way.

Of course there are many exceptions to this rule, because both of you need to be ready; however, for the most part, it works.  Each case, we handle differently for no two people hold the same belief systems, but this pretty much generalizes the healing process.  It can go as fast or as slow as you want it to go.

I am trying to keep this as short as possible but this entry is already longer than I had planned.  Put a comment down and I will send you a response.  Thank you for reading this.  And I do hope that even in a small way, I have helped you take the necessary steps to healing yourself.  Remember that all healing is self-healing, we healers just guide you, everything else is your decision.