Do you tend to feel sad or low this time of year?
I am generally a happy person, except during the holiday season. There have been many labels attached to the holiday blues, and even more reasons why people experience them.
The why does not really matter; we always ask why, but when we figure that out, do we feel better? Maybe, but only for a short while.
Why not try a new way of thinking? I made the decision to make this year the last of my holiday blues.
I’d like to share with you the tools I use to keep my vibration high, regardless of what is going on around me. The objective is to focus your attention on your desired result, which is, of course, feeling good.
It is all about your internal frequency. It is easy to get sucked into the negativity of the times or our surroundings. This is why internal calibration of your feelings and your energy is crucial to your state of being.
That feeling of calm, security, comfort, contentment and gratitude can only come from within, and it is up to us to create this within ourselves.
Language of the soul
One of the most beautiful writings are those of Neale Donald Walsch, who says that feelings are the language of the soul. This is how the Divine communicates with us, and feelings never lie.
Your feelings will always reflect your internal state. Your vibrational frequency will speak louder than any words or actions. This is a foremost tenet of Psychoneurology—that your vibration is everything.
I’m not oversimplifying this, because it literally takes only the subconscious a few seconds to change its state.
The rest is drama. And yes, sometimes drama is entertaining, until it no longer serves you.
When you give in to your negative feelings, you just feel worse than you did. The trick is to change the feelings by increasing your energetic frequency.
Does this mean you will never again feel negative emotions? Nothing could be further from the truth. You are human, after all.
The final outcome is that you are able to calibrate your emotions. When you feel the negativity creeping in, make a decision to go with it, or change it.
The holiday blues are the perfect example. If you normally have that feeling two to three months of the year, and you decide it no longer has power over you, you can say, “I’m changing it.” Then the months become days, and then hours, and then nothing at all because you no longer entertain the feelings.
I would normally wait for the blues to leave on their own; in the meantime, those around me are affected by my state. But if I decide to feel better, I’m happy—and those around me are happy, as well.
I like referring to silent time as enjoying the pleasure of my own company. When you can be alone and enjoy it, you experience a freedom that is inexplicable.
This silent time can mean meditation, focusing on your breath or just staring into nature. This is something you need to remind yourself to do, because it is often the last choice.
By incorporating silent time into your daily routine, you send a very strong message to yourself and to your subconscious that you are safe, secure and steady, and, most importantly, that you are well.
Start with two minutes a day; remember to be kind to yourself while doing this, and gradually build up to 15 to 30 minutes a day, until you can go a full day of being by yourself.
If that is not possible because you are always surrounded by people, find a way to evolve your silent time into a deep meditation of 10 minutes a day. The important thing to remember is that this is your time to go inwards—and to like what you see inside.
Choose your tribe
Surround yourself with people who make you happy. You become the people you hang around with, so choose your tribe.
If you are surrounded by negativity, get out; if you can’t get out, focus on how to make yourself happy, rather than expecting a spouse or friend to make you happy.
We expect our loved ones to make us happy. That never works. Recognize when you are surrounded by frequencies that do not reflect your own. When that happens, change your environment internally.
Here is where the magic happens: when you change your frequency, more often than not, the frequencies of those around you change, as well.
Do more of what makes you feel good. We say this a lot in the practice of Psychoneurology, because our focus is on self-love. When you are thriving in SouLove, you practice unconditional self-love and acceptance.
When you recognize that you are not feeling good, make the decision to change this by doing things that make you feel good. This way, you are nurturing yourself.
If this means being with certain people, call them and set a date. If it takes watching a movie in a middle of the day, do it.
Check your body. Sometimes a good workout or a great yoga session or dance class can make you feel good.
I feel that the best way to be happy is to keep moving. Supplements can also help. Check with your doctor; sometimes even a fungal infection can lead to the blues if untreated. Some studies have also shown that magnesium deficiency can lead to feelings of anxiety and restlessness and, yes, even the blues.
When it comes to supplements, please check with your doctor so they don’t counteract any medications you are taking. You may also want to stick to what I refer to as “happy food.” These are fresh produce that make you feel good about yourself and your body.
Fruits and veggies are number one. Avoid processed sugar, as this only leads to weight gain and will contribute to making you feel low.
Learn to say “no.” You do not have to say yes to every single invitation you receive or feel pressured to buy everyone a gift.
There is no need to make an excuse, either. Practice saying “no,” and watch your stress levels decrease. Here’s a rule of thumb: When you say “yes” to someone, make sure you are not saying “no” to yourself. If your yes stresses you out, try saying no, and your body and psyche will thank you for it.
These tools are suggestions that you can utilize to create your own formula for easing the holiday blues. Your way is the only way that will work for you.
Published on Philippine Daily Inquirer Thriving in SouLove column by Lia Bernardo on December 13, 2016.